Sexual Stage Fright

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- The last two guys I have tried to sleep with have had performance anxiety and have been unable to perform. I am starting to take it personally. What can I do to get this pussy off the pedestal?

Frustrated


Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Sounds like you already know the solution to this problem.

You need to jump off that pedestal and drop to your knees.

There are a bunch of reasons why a guy might be unable to bang, performance anxiety being only one of them. Are you confident that you should be ruling out booze and your hygiene?

Honestly - and I'm only saying this because sometimes it doesn't hit home unless you hear it from a stranger - ... you might stink, girl.

Seriously, two guys in a row?

There's a breath test you can do by passing a spoon across your tongue and smelling the spoon.

Now, it's unethical to tell the internet that sticking a spoon in a vagina is how a girl can determine if she stands out in an olfactory sense; some of you are fucking idiots, and for brevity's sake, lets just say there are complications that could affect your health.

(Honestly though, if you have enough forethought to use a CLEAN spoon, then you'll probably be fine. You might want to consider using a slotted spoon to reduce the chances of it getting suctioned to your inner walls. And don't try it at school. Again: DO NOT TRY IT AT SCHOOL.)

I suppose you can use a finger, but I don't want you walking around thinking that she smells like Vera Wang's Velvety Body Lotion, when she actually doesn't.

Are you meeting these guys at Toastmasters meetings? That would explain how you've defied the odds of this happening twice in a row with two different men.

Either way, lets review the 4 causes of performance anxiety.

-Fear of Failure

This could be a factor if you're hot and/or in a position of power over these men.

-Fear of Embarrassment

If his friends are in the room, politely ask them to leave.

-Hyper Focus

Try telling some jokes to lighten the mood.

-Uncertainty

... ... ... spoon test.

No matter how deeply we explore this, the cure-all exists within the initial suggestion.

My advice to you: Learn to suck a dick, girl.